(chorus step forward to form a broad V meeting at center with leaders LOC and ROC)

(Sung to ABC/Twinkle, twinkle)

Now's the time in Aristophanes' play

When we get to have our say.

We've repressed it long enough

Tired of singing ancient stuff.

Come along and sing with me,

While I trash UNCG.

(All) UNCG what a school

(Chorus of 4 stage R - step forward, then back) Pays library cops to sit on stools.

(Chorus of 4 stage L - step forward, then back) Genie's down, nothing new.

(Chorus of 4 stage C - """""") Bookstore's out of that book too

(All) Why the hell no football here,

Our women could beat Duke this year.

(To "Old McDonald")

(All) UNCG makes you pay for everything that's here.

(2 leaders) They're even thinking how to slap a fee on breathing air.

(1 member) Athletic fee, (1 member) Registration fee

(1 member) Late fee, (1 member) Date fee, (All) Everywhere a fee, fee.

You park in eastern Tennessee

Parking's still not free.

(Spoken rhythmically)

(Center moving forward to create straight line v) We're Athens born and Athens bred

Wasps who sting like hell (present stings front to audience - one member say ouch)

(lines separate front and back) We swarmed on Persians long ago,

(front move R, back move L) Now all men know us well.

(forming lines perpendicular to vstage L and R) It's true we old farts whooped em good

(forming semicircles L and R meeting ^ and v) Freed Athens and made her rich.

(join hands overlocked, moving in circle) Today we swarm around the town

After any yuppie son of a bitch.

(Throw up hands to separate and walk out from circle) We're sick and tired of these useless drones,

Wasting our country's resources.

(Turning front in three groups on beat) They've stuck us/ poor folk/ long enough

Now we'll prick the pricks with our forces (About face and stings/butts to audience)

(Frenzied exit music, off anywhere in clumps quickly but not haphazard)

Scene 4

(Phil out door off L; Bd in hot pursuit w/ Sos behind w/ clothes - fancy cloak, funny shoes, chair)

Phil: (walking around stage to C) No, these clothes are like old friends. We're inseparable, can't bear to be parted (Bd and Sos sniffing and recoil)

Bd: But these are a special treat (right up to dad and pointing back to Sos)

Phil: The last special treat you got me was that soy milk puke (walking R gag)

Bd: But dad, you said I could take care of you! Take off that sorry sack you're wearing and slip into this (Sos hold it up like game show presentation; Bd gesture similarly)

Phil: What the hell is it?

Bd: Persian (holding it out)

Phil: It feels like a rug.

Bd: (examining tag) Assembled in Babylon, 100% wool of 12 mountain sheep

Phil: So a dozen Persian sheep are freezin' their sheepy butts off for my wearing pleasure?

Bd: Just slip it on.

Phil: Gods almighty, hot! Now I know what roast lamb feels like.

Bd: Sit. Get those mildewed flip-flops off. Put on these... (Phil sticking feet out awkwardly) Spartan slippers (Phil quickly turning feet away like a child)

Phil: Enemy footwear! Never! (Sos and Bd each holding a foot, and slip them on). You'll never get this poor patriot to wear shoes that... (wiggle feet, jumping up) feel so good (with a little bounce in step)

Bd: Walk around. Think rich. Donald Trump. Prance. (Phil walk stuck up; Bd shaking head, Sos laughing to self)

Phil: (stopping somewhat seriously) Should I wag it, or drag it.

Bd: No dad, you're going to be among gentlemen: respectable educated people. Let me hear your table conversation.

Phil: No problem. How bout: There was a bad girl from Nantucket, whatever she saw she'd...

Phil: Whoa, dad. No, I mean ordinary everyday stuff.

Phil: Oh, I see. Beans, beans good for your heart, the more you eat the more you fart, the more you fart, the better you feel, beans, beans for every meal.

Bd: Stop (head in hand shaking it; Lay him down on floor) Picture yourself reclining, drinking with rich strangers. They ask you about yourself. What have you accomplished?

Phil: Well, I could talk about my big business ventures.

Bd: Good.

Phil: I once stole a man's company right out from under him. Then she kept me company the rest of the night. We had a corporal merger. And I gave her the business.

Bd: Let's skip table chat and work on manners. Lie back.

Phil: How?

Bd: Gracefully.

Phil: Like this? (lying back like guy eating on couch, chew and scratch butt, then rise up slightly)

Bdel: (helping him) Legs out, flow into position. Make flattering remarks about the napkins, the china, the paintings. They bring fingerbowls (Phil fading away). Eat. Dip. Give thanks.

Phil: Su-nore, I'm snoozin' here.

Bd: You're at Kleon's house. A flutegirl plays (Phil perks up). Drinks. They suggest a song.

Phil: (sitting up) All right, I'm great at songs.

Bd: (To "God bless America")

God bless Harmodios,

Phil: (arm move) Flush him down the commodius; BDgive him a look), Well it rhymes.

Bd: Try another. (To "Happy birthday")

Oh Kleon's in charge

Phil: His ass sure is large.

Bd: Dad, that will not go over well at Kleon's dinner party.

Phil: Sorry, I couldn't help it. One more.

Bd: (To Jingle Bells) Socrates, Socrates

Phil: Smells like stinky cheese.

Bd: It'll have to do. You just might make it. Always a gentleman (Phil trying poorly).

Phil: They'll call me Philokleon Gentilides.

Bd: Be charming, funny, tell an Aesop fable, Tell the one about the bull down in Crete.

Phil: Not to mention the bull right here. So much to remember. But if it's a party, I'll do fine.

Bd: Let's hope so (exit off R)