Abbreviation code: x = cross stage, ^ = upstage, v = downstage, L = stage left, R = stage right, C = centerstage, LOC = left of center, ROC = right of center

(Set - before dawn, 2 houses on a street in Athens, R - house of Praxagora and Blepyros, L - neighbor and second woman, bush up center, benches/crates before each house)

(Prax enters stealthily from door R, peeking out as I give my last intro words, sticking a lamp out before her, slam door shut till I leave stage. Then step out boldly, lamp before, searching v R, then ^, then v L)
Prax:
(Sing to tune of "You are My Sunshine")
You are my oil lamp, my holy oil lamp, You light my pathway when skies are gray,
(looking under) Not made in China, but fired in Seagrove,
Your bright flame turns night into day.
You keep your mouth shut about our sex lives, You see it all but you never tell (growly sound, lustily to lamp),
You help us get to our husbands' liquor,
Help us get our husbands as well!

(Looking around with lamp) Where are they? (pacing, looking out in audience). It's nearly dawn. We'll be late! We women have got to get our asses assembled in assembly without being recognized by the asses already there. Did they get the fake beards I ordered? Were they caught stealing their husbands' clothes? (First woman enter R w/ lamp, bundle of stuff (cloak, beard, walking stick), Couple from Chorus follow on R, then L, dragging, yawning, some sitting down, some leaning on sticks). Look, a light!. I better hide in case it's a real man (Prax hide in doorway of ^L house; someone backstage do rooster)
First: x to C) Move it girls (catches herself yelling then change to whisper). The alarm cock just went off.
Prax: (stepping from doorway)Where have you been? (First jump surprised from behind) Let's get my next-door neighbor up. (drumming on door and say soft Yoohoo. Then say back to First) Don't want her husband to hear. (Second opens door so as to be knocked on by Prax not watching)
Second: (excitedly, overanimated, ditzy voice, prying eyes open and stumbling) I wasn't sleepin'. Nope not me, just getting the hubby's shoes on. You know him, a real sailor, dippin' his oar in all night long, stroke, stroke, stroke. Course he fell asleep, but none for me. I just got his clothes.
First: (ROC, to all women) Let's go! Glyce swore the last in line will pay a fine, nine jugs of wine and garbanzos.
Second: (looking L) Hey, Melissa, plodding along in her old man's boots (enter a very shabby clodhopper of a woman)
First: (x Prax over to Second, nudging, Prax move R to prepare another woman) Even moving like that, I guarantee she had no trouble gettin away from her sorry ass husband.
Second: (look R) The bartender's wife, Drinkalota! (enter a very dishevelled drunk; Prax going about propping up slumping or falling chorus members)
First: (3 more coming L) There's the wife of Aristocratos and Streptacoccus and Painintheassos (Second counting on fingers and get confused) (FIRST x L to one woman) The first class of the upper class, all here (Giving snooty cheek kiss to one woman, then quick back R)
Chor Leader: (enter L, Second approach for hug, Prax from R to L toward entrance) (as older woman) And my husband, deary, I like to never got away. He stuffed himself last night, so he was up snorting and farting, and he got the runs something awful. You never saw such...
Prax: (stepping in loudly) YES, well, now that we're all here, take your seats (chorus grab crates, benches ^ and v, creating rows with sight lines v R and L) Is everything as we agreed at Ladies' Day.
First: I'm sure ready; I let my pits get all gross and hairy, see (show em). Then when my husband left for town, I'd oil up and lay out to get a full body tan (everybody raise eyebrows, and indicate looks good)
Second: (popping up) And I threw away my razor, so I'd get so hairy no one would think I'm a woman (pulling up skirt and one chorister run hand over and recoil at bristles) (Second pull out basket and start knitting)
Prax: (C) Everybody got your beards? (some put theirs up in air, some to face, some looking, some don't know how to wear it)
First: (Rise) Yup, a good one (putting up to face, then sit)
Second: (pull beard from basket) Oh yes, mine's even thicker than (ADD NAME HERE) (Sit, back to knitting)
Prax: And let's see, everyone else? (taking a mental tally looking around at beards, all nodding, but several very confused, on head, pulled down too far) Yes, and I see (circling) boots and suits and walking sticks, remote controls. You've got props for men all right. Good, assembly is right after Dawn so we must hurry.
First: (Up) And we have to get seats right up front, so we can speak.
Second: I brought a little something to pass time while the men are passing by into assembly (present knitting)
Prax: (runs over, knock on her head) Hello? Anybody home? While the MEN? pass by? What's this (grab knitting)
Second: (grab back) By Artemis, I can hear just fine while I knit my wool, knit one, purl 2, knit one purl 2! Kids gotta have clothes you know.
Prax: (walking about in oration mode) Knitting your wool? Hands off your wool and keep it covered. Just imagine the men are already there and some woman has to climb over them (one chorus woman actually starts doing this and realizes it at the end), hiking up her skirt, flashing about so some old geezer gets a snatch of her wooly thatch (woman pull skirt down, embarrassed). But if we were there first, down front, with a nice suit and thick beards, who'd guess we're not men? After all, that fairy Agyrrhius pretends he's a man with his buddy's borrowed beard even though he IS a woman except for one small thing (gesture, women giggle)
(To Row Row Row your Boat)
Now he's head of state, this goon who passed the bill
That pays the men who gather early, voting as he wills.
(Women start to row from R to L in groups till all doing it on last passage.
With guys like this in charge, we women now must act.
The ship of state is rudderless. It's a well know fact, Agyrrhius is whacked, Someone should be smacked!
First: How can we women expect to address the assembly?
Prax: (turning R to First then x v R) Much better than them! After all the people who've been screwed the most are always talking about it. And the gods know we've been screwed (Hands on hips , smirk, far v R)
Chor:Uh, huh
Second: Screwed, oh yeah, like I was saying about my husband and me last night (chorister slap her)
First: (Rise, x v L, shaking head) I don't know. We need experience
Prax: (X C toward First) That's why we're here, to practice our speeches for there, Come on, put on your beards (change voice) citizens (First reluctant at first) (Prax Quick upstage to bush for stash) Here, I'll put mine on too in case I need to say something.
Second: Turn around, Praxagora, let us see. (Prax particularly goofy looking, holding a laurel wreath, laughter all around) We look like goats!
Prax: (solemnly v C) Hear ye, hear ye. In congress assembled, priests, purify our proceedings with a sacred.. sacred (see chorister pull out a stuffed cat) Pussy cat (chorister present somewhat officially around as if spraying the officiants) Be seated, assemblymen. No, Senator Lott, we will not all sing a rousing refrain of "Dixie." Senator Kennedy, quit propositioning Senator Clinton. Who wants to address the assembly?
First: I do (rising step to v R and turn in a bit)
Prax: (step over to her) Then wear the ceremonial laurel (First adjusting) Begin.
FIRST: (puzzled) But where's my drink?
PRAX: Drink?
FIRST: Yea, this is what the guys wear around their drinking buddies.
PRAX: Get out of here (push her to her seat). You'd mess this up in real assembly too.
FIRST: (Back up and toward Prax) No drinks in real assembly?
PRAX: No drinks!
FIRST: You're kidding. Those laws they pass, they'd have to be drunk. And to tolerate the laws we need to be drunk. No drinking? I ask you, where's the justice? (fervently)
PRAX: Hopeless. Sit down (push her down)
CHORISTER DRINKALOTA: (smacking lips) I'm a little parched myself.
PRAX: (turn quick L) Stop. Next
SECOND: Ooh, ooh, (raising hand like child)
PRAX: Step up (SEC move v L) Put this on, think man (wreath on, SEC scratch head) That's a start, now slouch, hang arms down, scratch, no here (SEC scratch crotch). Good now speak like the president.
SEC: I heretofore wherewithal proposition you that irregardless of the erogenous zoning ordinances all water be forthright prohibited from mixifying with wine. It's downright unsalivized, by the 2 goddesses.
PRAX: (buzzer sound) NO
SEC: What? I didn't ask for a drink.
PRAX: No, you just swore by the 2 goddesses, MAN! And you sounded just like the president too.
SEC: OH (manly attempt) by Heracles' very manly odor, I did! HA.
PRAX: Try again.
SEC: Oh, I think I've got it now (manly pose, look at PRAX, man voice) In my view, ladies...
PRAX: That's it. (take laurel) Ladies indeed.
SEC: (dejectedly toward seat and over shoulder) I couldn't help it. I saw Michael Jackson out there (to audience) and I thought I was speaking to women, or something.
PRAX: Sit down. Want something done right... (put on laurel)
I'm a lover of my country no less than a man.
The way it's being run by them it's headed for the can.
If one is honest for a day, that's the best we'll get.
It figures, since we're paid to vote, that real needs won't be met.
FIRST: By Aphrodite, such style.
PRAX: MEN DO NOT SWEAR BY APHRODITE.
FIRST: (retreating) I won't do that again, sorry.
PRAX: When all our families beg for peace, and we return with war,
They feel the need to jerk our chains and beg us, 'Please, no more.'
We make a former enemy a friend, and in return,
We make a friend an enemy. I guess we'll never learn.
(suddenly Jesse Jacksonish)
Since men have been the sole destroyers of our beloved land,
We need to give control of state into the women's hands.
Women do not conform themselves to every passing fad,
They do not fix what needs no fixing. They know when things smell bad.
They engage in food preparation, as always. (CHOR lots of uh, huhs, preach it, Amen, go girl)
On the head goods transportation, as always.
Ladies Night wild celebrations, as always.
Shopping for self-gratification, as always.
Driving husbands nuts through all creation, as always.
Sleeping around with the entire nation, as always.
Women will do all they can when war involves their sons,
And everyone knows women are the best at getting funds.
Women won't be cheated, you cannot cheat a cheat.
Let women rule, don't be a fool, this plan cannot be beat.
(Clapping all around, PRAX raising hands, cut it off abruptly)
FIRST: (rising) Praxagora, you're sure to get elected chairman of the board with that speech. (pause, concern) But what if the men in the opposition party all try to screw you?
PRAX: (aggressively and suggestively) Then I'll screw em right back!
FIRST: Oh and what if the bailiff and his goons try to pick you up and cart you off?
PRAX: Then (wrestler pose and voice to camera like) You want a piece of me, you want a piece of me, punk?  Come on, fool, you don't know what hurt mean yet. (exaggerate a pin move, head hold, then triumph around stage; CHOR, hoo, hoo hoo)
CHOR LEAD: Yea (aggressive) and if they do pick you up... we'll ask them to put you right down, nicely.
SEC: That's fine and all, but how do we remind ourselves to raise our hands to get what we want, when we're used to raising our legs (pose)
PRAX: (pacing about practicing) Hmm, that's a hard one, let's see. (mechanically) Right arm extended, all dressed up (suggest attire w/ free hand) beards fastened, then lean on your stick and sing some sappy country song like the old timers.
CHOR LEAD: (sing a line from some annoying country tune)
PRAX: Let's hurry, you know what they say: Early to rise and early to congress, makes a man money; not a penny for lateness. (CHOR LEAD give poor version of a salute as all rise; SEC and FIRST following PRAX off L)
FIRST: At least we'll be there before them (indicate CHOR)

PARODOS (Opening Chorus)
(Chor stand in lines, pick up seats, about face, front row move R, Back row L, march, meet center then off in a line L)
(To "Liberty Bell March" Monty Python Flying Circus theme)
So off to assembly gentlemen, the bell has just been rung,
If we are slow and we get there late, we'll get our pay in dung.
We'll act like men in a meeting, which means we'll get nothing done.
We'll sit together and vote however -
Oh ladies this is fun -
Oops (very male fake voices) gentlemen, yes we're men, do not forget.
If they discover we're women we've had it. (Important that Blepyrus start coming out about here as women file off)
Democracy before assembly pay was quite a hit,
Today our city's turning into PLPPH!